What is love – “You just have to wait, love does not come easy”

  • Sunday, Jan 22 2017
  • Hector

What is love – “You just have to wait, love does not come easy”

Dr Hector Perera     London

Love is a strong feeling of affection. The parents love the babies for far too many reasons and some are the affection, fondness, warmth and attachment. Some people love the work they do, it could be sports like football, tennis, rowing, swimming or even running. Love is a great interest and pleasure in something.

Love can be defined as a deep affection or sexual love for (someone).

This is not an easy thing to define what is love and according to Albert Einstein,

 
  • “How on earth are you ever going to explain in terms of chemistry and physics so important a biological phenomenon as first love?”
 
     

 Love is difficult to define

 How do you avoid confusing it with infatuation or lust? Philosophers and psychologists both have attempted to define love, or at least its difference from infatuation and lust. If you are looking to find love, the following observations may be helpful.

According to theoretical physicist and science writer, Jim Al-Khalili, ‘Love is chemistry’. Then he says, biologically, love is a powerful neurological condition like hunger or thirst, only more permanent.

We talk about love being blind or unconditional, in the sense that we have no control over it. But then, that is not so surprising since love is basically chemistry. While lust is a temporary passionate sexual desire involving the increased release of chemicals such as testosterone and oestrogen, in true love, or attachment and bonding, the brain can release a whole set of chemicals: pheromones, dopamine, norepinephrine, serotonin, oxytocin and vasopressin. However, from an evolutionary perspective, love can be viewed as a survival tool – a mechanism we have evolved to promote long-term relationships, mutual defence and parental support of children and to promote feelings of safety and security.

The answer remains elusive in part because love is not one thing. Love for parents, partners, children, country, neighbour, God and so on all have different qualities. Each has its variants – blind, one-sided, tragic, steadfast, fickle, reciprocated, misguided, and unconditional. Then others such as psychotherapists, many philosophers, nuns and romantic novelists, also have described love differently.

Looking for a suitable partner

I did my studies nothing but on chemistry and found out many useful things related to chemistry. In Sri Lanka there are people who arrange these marriages and we call them “Magul Kapuwo”. He is one of the marriage proposal. This is not an ordinary marriage proposal but a chemical one. Even in any marriage people say, “Get the chemistry right”. This is how I looked at some of the chemicals in the periodic table of elements; bonding or falling in love with each other. My idea perhaps might inspire some Chemistry students to remember some properties of chemicals in a human aspect, a different way. When I asked about the combination power or the valency of some elements, ionic and covalent bonding, sometimes the students find it difficult to figure it out with reasons. The discoverer of the periodic table of elements, Mendeleev tried to show the repeated similarity of the properties of the elements in a light hearted way with compared to musical notes; he called it law of octaves, what happened to him? Even the scientists at that time ridiculed him, said he was mad but much later found out that he was perfectly correct. Then he was honoured and named the periodic table as Mendeleev’s periodic table.

 One of the biggest combination of chemicals

Please let me try to show how salt is formed as a love story, little fairy story style, in an airy fairy way that might help them remember some properties of elements easily, any way let me put it this way.

A pretty girl is aesthetically pleasing but doesn't necessarily inspire lust. You want to look at her the way you look at a sunset or a piece of art. 

A hot girl doesn't have to be objectively good looking (but often is) but you want to do her. Often times hot girls have nice bodies, but this isn't necessary. Sometimes they have just sexy way of carrying themselves. Certain features, such as more narrow versus round eyes tend to look hotter.

Then there is the cute girl who has a look that makes you want to kiss her on the forehead and cuddle her. Cute girls are often neotenous in their facial features (babyish) and inspire in you a desire to protect her. Of course a person is rarely just pretty, cute, or hot.

A Marriage Proposal for Princess Odium

This gorgeously pretty, attractive Princess has six in the family and she is the second. Very slim, tall, pretty with 2, 8, 1, don’t think 28, 32, 26, she is different. Unlike any other elements, she is soft and so light even floats and dance on water. She melts with water, showing the true silvery colour and dance swiftly on the surface of water, sometimes igniting and fuming. Her rhythm even sets fire to water. I think she is the dancing Queen.

She has a family tree of rich and famous 103 members, called the Periodic table of elements. There are Royal Family members as well in the family tree, to name one or two, Her Royal Highness Helium and Prince Krypton.

Alkali family is seriously looking for a suitable partner, must be a non-smoker, cast, colour, race are immaterial.

Suitable proposals for princess Odium

There were lots of proposals from all rich and famous families came from all four corners of the world including from Sri Lanka, making the choice too difficult. She had to turn for her loving sisters for help and advice. When the invitation came from Hydrogen, one of them advised, “Trust the invitation to feel happy, now that comes from a kind and sincere heart.”  He has three in the family but two of them are living abroad, not contacted for a long time. Someone said, “He has no recognized place among the other members of the family but him as an individual, a light hearted nice person”.

Ruby or Rubedium said, “If, over the last few years, you've had some rotten luck with members of the opposite sex, the time has come for change.” She insisted to think about a proposal from halogen family. Fortunately she found out more about that family because Her Royal Highness, Argon is a good friend and said to her sister, “Listen to me, this year, you'll be particularly lucky until May when Jupiter, will pair up with Uranus to create some sparks in your love life”. The sister insisted, “Trust the invitation to feel happy now that comes from a kind and sincere heart.” At this point Miss Odium very shyly, looked at her lovely, helpful sisters and lost for words. 

Your warm exuberance will blow him away

The third brother of the Halogen family comes from down south of Sri Lanka, Matara came up with this proposal to his second brother Chlo or Chlorine. Brom and Idine have been to see the alkali family, met the whole family and seen the proposed girl as well. Later when they came home, the conversation went on for a while and only some of it is included here.

Brom asked his brother, “What kind of girls you like” Chlo and Brom are close like friends even they are brothers, he said “I think it's sexy when girls have a little bit of a belly. I don't want to feel her ribcage when I hug her and embrace to rock hard.”  Brom sat back and listened to brother, “I never want to see a girl smoking a cigarette or chewing dip, nice teeth is a must too.”  Chlo went on, “I don't have a preference for skin colour, and all ethnicities look beautiful to me.” Then at the end, he said that he would date a girl who was an inch or 2 taller. Brom said, “Take my word, she is prettier than you ever think”. He was pleased to see his brother liked the proposal.

According to tradition, most Asians believe in family birth chart before getting married but some don’t believe in them. According to Chlo’s chart there are seven electrons or lucky stars in the last orbit of the planets. The third brother of Chlo, insisted to match up the charts.

 Loving sisters

After listening to all these fancy words, the eldest sister, Fraces or Francian said, “The more inaccessible you are, the more he'll roll out the red carpet for you. Your warm exuberance will blow him away and he'll wonder how he ever lived without you.”  With all these encouraging advice from her loving sisters, Odium felt so shy to talk about but had to think quite seriously.

Astrological jargon

I know this is some astrological jargon but one has to believe that there is this astrological matching up taking place quite seriously among the Asians. Like Sri Lankans. Unlike any other culture, these traditional Asians believe in matching up horoscopes before marriage because most of the marriages among Asians are arranged, not forced. I am sure most Sri Lankan Asians would agree with me, am I correct?

Aunt’s advice about love

Aunt Alum or Aluminium came to see the family, after hearing these marriage proposals, she said, “I looked at the horoscopes”. She said, “The planetary influence of this year gives you a desire to express yourself and your beliefs. This time of the year, Saturn's passage, a corner will be turned. Saturn continues his residence in your communication sector. Right now, Venus gives you the love; Moon and Mercury give you sweet dreams and emotional balance.

According to you and Chlo’s birth charts, both of you are perfectly matching”. Aunt asked, “Any questions”. Then the youngest sister, Lithi asked, “Aunty, what is love”. Aunty couldn’t stop laughing but she said,” It is one of the most difficult questions for all of us. Centuries have passed by, relationships have bloomed and so has love. But no one can give the proper definition of love. To some, Love is friendship set on fire, for others, may be love is like luck. You have to go all the way to find it. No matter how you define it or feel it, love is the eternal truth in the history of mankind. It cannot be bought or sold; there is nothing it cannot face; love is life's greatest blessing. 'Love is chemistry'

Then Aunty Alum said, “For you little Princess, You just have to wait, love does not come easy.” The little girl felt very shy and jumped to mum’s lap.

“Yes, yes, I do, I do, I do”.

The other sisters in the family and the mum the nucleus and dad Atom, also joined the conversation and the decision. The loving sister’s message was, “Navigating from logic to passion, you'll remain resolutely optimistic about where your relationship's going. If he's not possessive in nature, he'll not get bored around you.”  After consulting the family, the dad said, “There's no chance of you spoiling things this year with trivial matters.” At this point Odium gave her consent with no reservations but too shy to say, “Yes, yes, I do, I do, I do”.

Matching up of charts or “Handahana” by Magul Kapuwa

Miss Odium has 2, 8, 1 and Mr Chlor has 2, 8, 7 lucky stars. If these people get married then their charts match in such way that they fall in love then the last planet of Miss Odium enters to the 7th planet of Mr Chlor. This would happen definitely when they electrostatically undergo ionic bonding between the two loving couple.  I know this is some astrological jargon but it’s true.

Future of them as a couple.

If Miss Odium marries Mr Chlor that means Odium Chlor becomes Odium Chloride or Sodium Chloride, it will be a perfect match of the year as shown in the astrological charts. Their love is so much; it will be a model couple. Their love can fill up the seven seas; how deep is the love; no one knows exactly, similarly how deep is the deepest place in the ocean but again in which ocean?  No person or persons can separate this loving couple, Sodium chloride by any means. Love is forever and Sodium chloride is forever. You can heat, cool or freeze or do anything they stay together as a loving couple forever. Once married, they are no longer the individuals, they are a couple called Sodium Chloride or pet name Salt. The other envious people will try to separate this loving couple due to their jealousy. They also would try heating, cooling or freezing, you cannot get Chlorine or Sodium separated, try, not a chance!

Salt and Love are they the same?

Everybody needs love, everybody needs salt, too much love is good for nothing, can spoil you similarly too much salt is bad for you, gives high blood pressure or hypertension. You always need love, in the morning; lunchtime and nigh time, bed time, you need salt at least three times a day. Don’t say no; try eating fish and chips without salt, “Yuck.” Put too much salt again, “Yuck.” Just get it right, “Yummy” This email address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it.

Dr Hector Perera


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